Jag lovade en intervju med min gode vän Not-So-Jolly Roger inför premiären för hans äventyr den 6 maj. Här kommer så intervjun efter många om och men. Det kan hända att jag fick sätta på mig en Easter Bunny-dräkt för att få den, men i så fall gjorde jag det bara för er skull, kära läsare, och vi ska aldrig någonsin nämna det igen.

Nu har Roger lättat ankar och är på väg hem efter sitt påskbesök, så om jag vore lika kul som Povel Ramel hade jag sagt något om att my Bonny is over the ocean. Nu är jag lite roligare än så, så jag håller tyst.

Intervjun är på utrikiska, men Roger är ju en stolt Bonny, bördig från den gröna ön som skänkt oss leprechauns, Guinness, krypskyttar, dystra ballader, Jameson och banshees, så håll till godo:

Rosetta: Hi, Roger! Nice to have you here!
Roger: Hi. Nice to be here, you landlubber.
Rosetta: Can you tell my readers a little bit about your adventures?
Roger: Well … I wouldn’t actually call them adventures. It’s just the way my life has turned out. I just tried to have some fun for once, but of course everything got screwed up and I became some sort of pirate captain. It may seem fancy, but it’s hard work, I tell you. Hard work …
Rosetta: Tell me more.
Roger: I lost a poker game and ended up with a teeny weeny little debt that I couldn’t pay. One thing led to another and suddenly I got thrown off a cruise ship and ended up stranded on the beach of Petland. That’s where I met king Billy-Bob, by the way.
Rosetta: What? Now, you’ve lost me.
Roger: Oh, right, you landlubbers are a bit slow. Sorry. Well, Petland is basically an island built out of PET-bottles. It looks like a normal little tropical island, but it is happily bobbing along on the waves, resting on huge nets filled with God knows how many PET-bottles. Billy-Bob has built it himself, so it’s only right that he’s now the king of Petland.
Rosetta: Why would anyone want to live on an island made out of PET-bottles?
Roger: It has sand beaches, palm trees, tropical drinks, girls with coconut bras and hula dancing. It’s also part of Micronations United, which means that it doesn’t exist on any maps and thus it’s virtually non-existent to the rest of the world.
Rosetta: “Thus”? Really, Roger!
Roger: Ok, fine I got a bit too fancy there, didn’t I? The important thing, though, is that all member nations of Micronations United are erased.
Rosetta: Erased?
Roger: Yupp. We have some talented hackers that feed the Corp Nats’ satellites with images where the micronations have been erased and replaced with nice blue ocean or, in some cases, deep woods. If the Corp Nats don’t know where to find us, we don’t exist, and are left in peace.
Rosetta: Corp Nats?
Roger: Yeah, they’re the scum of the world! We don’t like them. Since general elections were banned in favour of the “voting by shopping”-system, nothing is the same. It wasn’t very smart to let the most successful company in every field create and enforce the laws for that field. It’s just caused a lot of troubles.
Rosetta: You mean that Coca-Cola makes laws concerning soda production and distribution and General Motors makes all laws concerning cars and driving?
Roger: Yeah, basically. Well, apart from the fact that Coca-Cola was bought by Soda Cola and General Motors were bought by Common Motors a long time ago.
Rosetta: Doesn’t that make people pissed?
Roger: Not really. Most people think it’s great. The taxes are much lower since the state doesn’t have to pay for government, law enforcement and things like that anymore. People like not having to fake a bad conscience when they’re too lazy to drag their fat butts out of bed and go and vote in general elections. Now they shop instead and don’t even have to think about voting. But, in reality, they’re just paying to hand over more and more power to the Corp Nats.
Rosetta: But some people must complain about it?
Roger: Yeah, but not publicly. Or even amongst friends. You never know who you’re friends are, do you?
Rosetta: Aren’t you getting a bit paranoid now, Roger? You should go more easy on the rum, you know.
Roger: Aaaaar! Paranoia is not a mental disorder. It’s a way of life. They’re talking about fitting all kids with Egghead, you know. As soon as the beta version is satisfyingly tested.
Rosetta: Hmmm … Ok … Egghead?
Roger: MegaSmooth’s newest software. They say that Willie Gates VII is testing it himself. It’s a PA application. Basically it’s a memory upgrade that plugs straight into your hippocampus. You can store all your personal info, mails, codes, notes, you name it in it, without unnecessary wiring and security breaches. Unfortunately, we suspect that MegaSmooth will also screen and make secret backups of all the information stored and processed by the Egghead users. They say Egghead is impenetrable, but I don’t think so, there’s always bugs in MegaSmooth’s software and they’re already on beta version 3.599, so I say we have a fairly good chance of hacking it. As soon as I get home, I’m going to try to take a little peek into little Willies brain and see what he has stored there.
Rosetta: MegaSmooth and Willie Gates VII?
Roger: Eeeew! “MegaSmooth Software – your friendly software provider”, don’t think so! When the old system of government was ditched, they forgot that there is one thing that all corporations are dependent on. They all use MegaSmooth’s software. Without it, they can’t do anything. That means that although many different corporations have power over different aspects of people’s everyday life, there is one corporation that wields ultimate power over corporations and people alike: MegaSmooth Software. And it’s owned by that little brat Willie Gates VII. Never liked him. Never will. Even back in the chess club, he was a… Oh, never mind, just forget it …
Rosetta: Where you in the chess club, Roger? Nerd!
Roger: Oh, shut up! Anyway, the Cop Nats, and especially MegaSmooth Software, don’t like people who oppose them and people who work against them has a tendency to disappear.
Rosetta: What happens to them?
Roger: Some just disappear and are never heard of again. I assume that they are the ones that the Corp Nats get hold of. Some manage to flee and sooner or later they all seem to end up crying on Finbar Dunbar’s shoulder at the Ruddy Boatswain.
Rosetta: Finbar Dunbar at the Ruddy Boatswain?
Roger: Yeah, he’s the rock we all rely on. If one of our fellow pirates is in trouble, or if he or she wants to get a pirate mission going, or just feel ever so slightly lost, they can always go and talk to Finbar at The Ruddy Boatswain, his bar in Pirate’s Cove. He’s the landlord. He knows everything about everyone, not many know that much about him, though. Not that it matters much, though. We know what we have to: he serves the best rum in the world.
Rosetta: One final question, Roger. How the hell can I interview you when you live a hundred years from now?
Roger: I work in mysterious ways, don’t I? Ha, ha!

(Intervjun med Not-So-Jolly Roger får kopieras och spridas, så länge det alltid görs med en länk hit. Intervjun får dock inte förändras och spridningen måste ske utan ekonomisk vinning.)

Min roman “Chefer från helvetet” kan man ladda ner gratis:
Här
The Pirate Bay.

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